I’m back in Mackay again for a few days. I lived here quite a while ago now, back in my mid twenties. The two years that I lived here was quite a turbulent time in my life. I was starting my career as a Sales Rep and cementing my name in the Electrical industry. I was alone in regional town, only knowing a couple of people. I was struggling with my sexuality, and being alone left me to fight those demons since I had nothing I else to really keep me occupied. Not exactly the best place to explore who I really was.
The biggest event to happen was the arrival of my Father who decided move over from Western Australia and get some work for a year or two out in the mines. I was excited. I’d never lived with my father before and the thought of getting to know him better made me so happy. However, long story short, not long after her arrived, he was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer and within the blink of an eye, he was gone again. I was devastated. About 7 months passed and he was gone forever.
During that time, I met someone who I thought was genuine. I was vulnerable, needy and clingy. I had no one to confide in emotionally. Ringing your friends back home in Brisbane just didn’t cut it. He took advantage of it. For the next year, he ruined my confidence, I was riddled with what I see now as Anxiety and I my first experience of getting close to someone was tarnished and left me with a lot of anger and hurt. Toward the end, it got so bad that the only way I could get of it was to leave, and move back to Brisbane. Where I had people around me that I felt I could trust.
Even though it’s been 5.5 years since I left and this visit being the 3rd time I’ve been back, this is different. It’s brought back so many mixed emotions, feelings and memories that it’s hard to look at this place with a happy outlook. If I didn’t have my good friends here, there would be nothing on earth that could ever bring me back to this place.
Yes, I grew up a lot in the time that I spent here. There were many milestones achieved that helped me cement the groundwork for where I am at now as a person, however it was one of the darkest times I can remember. Mackay will never be a happy place for me.