Dear Dad, Im going to say what I never got to say, and you will listen.

Written 24/8/2014

Hi Dad,

It’s been a while. I hope the other side is treating you well? Have you been looking down on us? I know you have been, because I feel you every now and then. I hope you’re focusing on the girls more, as they are the weaker ones out of the 3 of us!

You would know I have been on a low lately, but I think it needed to happen. I have suppressed too many emotions over the years that it is time for me to deal with them! Issues involving yourself!

I am no longer taking on any of your mistakes that you made in your life, onboard anymore. They were yours, not mine. I hope you realise now that you are up there, the affect your actions had on your children growing up. I am never taking them onboard again. Never.

– You were the unfaithful one who caused the breakdown of your marriage, but yet you made yourself out to be the golden one out of the both you, making out Mum was the one at fault because she was “over emotional”. This led to that breakdown, and in the end resulting in your children being taken away from you.

As a kid, I always felt that people would leave because I too on your issues as my own, and you weren’t there to comfort me. You weren’t there to console us and tell us it was going to be okay!

I don’t want to feel like that anymore. its not my fault that you were not in our lives as a father should be! I had no choice in the matter. There was no control I could have had at the time that could have done anything.

Dad, I sill love you and always will, but I don’t want this feeling anymore. Please take it away, it should have gone when you left this world. I’m a fucking grown man who can’t hold a relationship because I worry so much..the same worries of abandonment that riddled me as a child.

Im not you, and I never will be. I am better and i have more balls as a man then you ever did.

You left us out to dry after you left this world. You left that cunt in control. We only ever wanted your love, nothing else – oh how we wanted your love! I pity her and the guilt that she should have on her for the rest of her life. I have no sympathy for her. We don’t and never wanted your money, we just wanted our Dad. This is all we ever wanted.

I feel sorry for Mick, because his real Father never had the guts to find out whether he was actually his child or not. How Mick must have felt as a child, I can’t even begin to imagine. I feel pity for him.

I hope that in your next life, you will learn from your mistakes that you made in this one, because sure as hell, I’m learning from yours.

however, abandoned as I felt, people did not leave me. They left you and Mum. They were not my issues. Its time I say goodbye to those issues. They aren’t mine.

I have pushed or scared people away because of my fears that were brought on by issues that weren’t my fault. I really wish I dealt with them before I met these people, but I can’t change that.

You can take your issues back that you left behind, they’re not mine.

I am better then these issues, I’m better then you! I deserve the happiness that you never got to have and will never have now!

Casey.

2 thoughts on “Dear Dad, Im going to say what I never got to say, and you will listen.

  1. Casey, there’s a lot I want to say about what you’ve written, my battery is about to die so I’ll just say wow and thank you for your courageous honesty. I understand complicated relationships & the residue it leaves behind.

    1. Hi , I wasn’t on my ph , my comment above registered to another’s blog. You aren’t him, u are who you are because of the experiences youve had. It may’ve left a scar that’s tender, but at least it’s not an open wound. It takes strength to write what u did and courage to post it.

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